Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Journal Day #14 - Childhood Dreams

Think about the plans you had for your adult self when you were younger- would you say they match up to your reality today? What did you wish for your future when you were a child? Did you have a plan? And would you say you've followed that plan in any way? This week, look at the life you hoped to have (even if you consider your childhood "dreams" silly now) and see how your current life compares. From Sometimes Sweet.

I had many, many dreams as to what I would be when I grew up. According to a project I did in preschool, the very first job I wanted was a rock picker-uper (what? I am assuming that meant something to do with landscaping) and since then evolved over a wide range of different career options. Not in any specific order, the ones I can definitely remember are as follows: Marine Biologist, Teacher, Doctor, Veterinarian, Actress, Writer, Librarian, Artist, and Conversation Officer. I also had the dream of traveling the world, taking pictures, and sending them into National Geographic. I had plans of opening up a coffee & dessert shop/music studio. I wanted to get paid to stare at the night sky every day and the thought of giving my opinion on books thrilled me. As I grew up, certain dreams died while others were born. It was a never-ending, where do I belong and what should I do struggle that I had. Where should I go to school? What should I study? What is it that I actually love? I didn't believe in going to school just to go to school - I didn't have the money for that. So University waited as I sorted out what it was I wanted out of this life.  

Now with all of that being said, there was another yearning that stirred in my heart that would never go away. It was a dream that would never die. It stuck with me like glue and it was the one job I wanted more than anything in this world. It was that of motherhood. 

And I now have it. 

There were many ways my life could have turned out. Even now I sometimes think of how differently my life could have turned out if I had only; picked up a musical instrument quicker, started my blog when I was younger, traveled the world while I had the chance, or explored the many pages of literature while enrolled in a University. But all of that would be a part of waiting for time to pass - my end goal - being a mom. I wanted to have kids, lots of kids. A dog. A white fence. A family. You get the idea. 

On May 23, 2009 I married my husband & on December 18, 2013 my daughter (Bug) was born! My dream of being a mommy had started. Motherhood has been the hardest job I have ever had.  Don't get me wrong. There were many days of tears and I am sure there will be many more. However, with that being said, Motherhood has been the most rewarding job I have ever had. Being a mom has changed me completely. Forever. For the best. I have never been happier. Even with tears streaming down my cheeks (sleepless nights), Bug looks at me with her big blue eyes, she makes a little coo sound, and the she gives me the biggest smile in the entire world - those are the moments I live for. When I can see the love on her face, her happy spot - with mommy. This is who I was meant to be.

I still have dreams of going to school and its something I am hoping to cross off my bucket list soon.  I have many things I want to learn about, but I am taking it one item at a time. Being a mom to Bug is the most important thing in this world to me, it is my number one priority. I know the dream of Motherhood isn't for everyone. But right now it is where I should be and, at this moment, that is enough for me.   

No comments:

Post a Comment