Friday, March 28, 2014

Journal Day #6 - On Motivation

Everyone has different things that keep them going. Sometimes it's the people around us, other times it might be what's waiting for us on the other side of hard work. Whatever it may be, there's usually some sort of motivation to get up every day, get things done, or maybe even go the extra mile. With that said, what would you say is your biggest motivation in life? Has it always been this way? From Sometimes Sweet

For a very long time, the need to go the extra mile, to improve daily, to see just how far I could go, was always challenged by myself. I like to push myself and see how much I can handle. With that being said, the majority of the time I push too hard which lead to the ultimate giving up of whatever it was I was trying so hard to work for. I was my own worse enemy. Even though I was being negative to myself, my passion for trying to get ahead kept me going, got me out of bed, and even though it wore me out, I was my only motivation. I saw my flaws and I try to change them. I don't allow myself to have "lazy" days and I yell at myself (in my head) that I can do better.

Not a healthy thing to do to oneself. But I did it nonetheless.

When I married my husband that all changed. Not only did I get a more realistic view of what one human being can do, but I was told every day just how strong, beautiful or unique I really was. Finally I approached things not with a "do or die" attitude, but with a "I am strong and I can do this, not because I need to, but because it really does make me happy" view. I let go of the things that held me bondage and what drove me insane, the things that I thought were so important to obtain.

I am letting go of the negative voices that tell me to work harder because I am not good enough. I am letting go of the high expectations I have to be the person that I want to be.

I am going to be honest with you. This is a very tough thing to do.

Now that I have learned that the ideals I had where unrealistic, and now that I have such amazing support and unconditional love from my husband, they are the reasons I get out of bed each morning. My husband and my daughter. They are the reasons I do the things that I do, that I try my best, that I go the extra mile. I am no longer thinking of only myself and what "I" can accomplish to best myself, but now it is about "we," what can I do to make US happy.

Now that I have US in my head and not just myself, the goals & challenges I make for myself are a little more reasonable. I still have dreams & wishes, but I view them as lifetime goals and not goals that need to be obtained within a months time. I am no longer pushing myself so hard that it drives me insane, because, well frankly, I need to be there for my family. I need the energy to be the best wife and mother my family needs.

They are the reason I get out of bed. To be my best self without being my crazy overachieving self. To be the best example I can be for my daughter, without being negative of my flaws. To teach her how to work hard without working so hard that the little things, the moments of today, and the joys of life are forgotten. They are my everything.

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