Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Journal Day #1 - On Change

One of my favourite bloggers, Dani from Sometimes Sweet has started a wonderful series that I am proud to be a part of. Journal Day! I am so excited to start this journal journey to not only share stories and hopefully inspire others, but to also hopefully learn something about myself along the way. So heres to writing what we know and what we feel!

Last weeks prompt (I am a week behind ... but better late then never, right?):


Everyone has a time in their life they view as a crossroad. Sometimes you can see it as it's happening, and you're able to choose one way or another. Other times you may not realize you're there until you look back, and see what a turning point it really was. This week, write about a time you view as a marker in your life; a distinct place where things changed, for better or worse.  From Sometimes Sweet.

Sitting where I am now, to look back at what has happened in my life, I can clearly see all the crossroads that I have encountered on what I feel comfortable calling my crazy journey of life. Of course, in the moment, they did not seem like major turning points. They always felt like something that I just had to get through, to make it another day, to get to the end, to get to the next chapter, the norm. They did not scare me, for in the moment, when I need to get something done, nothing scares me. I go into the zen like place where I become the bravest of them all and I do whatever it is that I have to do in order to move on with my life. Now, sitting here, looking back, holy crap some of the things that I went through ...

My biggest crossroad, moment, turning point that I hold highly above all others, that has changed me completely, that has made me feel like I can do anything: Flying to Oman. 

As many of my everyday viewers already know, Oman was a journey that the Husband and I took in August of 2013. It was an amazing opportunity that came to use in way of an email from the university and it was an opportunity that we just couldn’t give up. Talking about it and deciding that it was our next chapter, moving to another country, leaving everything familiar behind, did not seem like such a big deal. It was exciting. Saying goodbye to everyone made it more real and not knowing when exactly I would see everybody again, scared me. But moving to another country didn’t. It was just the next step in our journey together. It was almost like moving into another apartment: exciting, filled with possibilities, maybe even a little nerve wracking, but never scary. I was aware of those around me who were scared for me, terrified even. Some even went out of there way to tell us how scared they were. It just didn’t phase me as something to be completely scared about. 

Fast forward a little to the day we were to fly out. We had arrived hours early only to discover that I was not to fly out that day. With my name being spelled wrong, and with my Husband’s first day of work fast approaching, he had to leave me at the airport to fly alone. After a sad and terrifying goodbye (because I didn’t even know when the next time I would see my Husband again), I had to stay with relatives until they were able to reissue me another ticket. Once they did, I then had to fly out of Canada by myself. It was my first flight alone, my first international flight ever and OH I was five months pregnant too! All week I was nervous about flying on my own, but as soon as the day hit, I was fine. It was just something I had to do. If I didn’t do it, if I curled into a ball and cried my eyes out, the only result would be that I would not make it to my destination. And that was not an option. I had to fly out. By myself. So I was fine. It was something I just had to do. And as a small town girl, this was a huge step for me, I just didn’t realize it at the time.

The journey was wonderful, I even made a few friends along the way. My only major hiccup was that one flight was delayed so I had to run in order to make it to the next one. I was exhausted by the time I reached Turkey and was tempted to fall asleep on the airport floor, somehow I managed to stay awake. I am glad to say that after 28 hours and three layovers I made it to Oman. And Oman was wonderful. The country gorgeous. A different culture, a different climate, a different language, I was in love. And even though my husband’s job didn't work out, the experience of living in another country will be one that I never forget.

Now that I am back in Canada, going through old journey entries, remembering all that I have seen and been through, the journey to Oman & Oman itself is the crossroad that has changed my life. I once thought myself as a weak individual. I grew up in a small town and was homeschooled, so I felt like my knowledge of the outside world was very small. There were times that I don’t know how to act to something or how to respond to someone because the negativity or shrewdness of whatever it was shocked me and I didn't know how to deal with it. The idea of traveling always excited me, however, I thought for sure that I would be an individual that would stay close to my hometown and my mom. As time went on, meeting my Husband and moving away from my family, I started to come out of my shell and transform into a strong individual. My Husband would always tell me how much I have grown and how proud of me he was. I would always shrug him off saying that I really don’t see a change at all. Now that Oman has happened, now that I had to go through some things that I honestly hope nobody ever has to ever go through, now that I am back in my country looking back, I can agree with him. I am a strong woman. Most things don’t terrify me anymore. I don’t feel small or stupid and arguments don't freak me out anymore. My opinions, my words, my experiences, I  ... matter, I realize that they matter and I am not afraid to speak up, share or state my opinion. I realize that I am a strong woman.

If I can travel and navigate to another country by myself, if I can move to another country, if I can feel small in a country surrounded by things unfamiliar, and survive it all, then gosh darnit I can do anything. Feeling strong, and its all because of Oman. 

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