Wednesday, August 14

Surviving the Unexpected

I like to be in control. Always have been. I like to know whats going to happen, I like to know what my day holds, I like to know how its going to end. I have been trying to let things go, be more open, more willing to let things happen, to have less control. It got easier working two jobs over Christmas last year. I never knew where or when I was going to work except for the week that I was on. That was weird for me. Then I started letting my husband make plans with friends the day OF and not the day BEFORE. Maybe its my wiring, I don't know, to me, it makes more sense to make plans the day before then the day of? Am I weird?

It has been SLOWLY getting easier. To just let my controlling mind go and actually have unexpected, wonderful fun. To let go of my schedule (eep) and say YES to serendipity. It can actually be freeing, I know this. However, there are, and always will be limits to the amount of events that occur in which I have absolutely, no control, whatsoever. And when these things happen, I admit, I really dislike them.

Right now I am supposed to be sleeping in my new home in Muscat with my husband and with the wonderful humidity. But I am not. I was supposed to arrive in Muscat almost 24 hours ago. But I did not. I was supposed to have my first lazy, hot day with my husband today in a country that we are both unfamiliar with. But it did not happen. AND IT WAS NOT BY CHOICE.

Due to crazy circumstances I am still in Canada while my husband is now in another country. The travel agency that was assigning us tickets misspelled my last name incorrectly. We caught it four months ago and called the travel agency to tell them of their mistake. They told us that they would mark my airline folder with a note giving the correct spelling of my last name and that there would not be a problem at all with me flying. Because as long as I have this note, I will be alright. They were wrong.

Monday came. Already in the morning I had butterflies in my stomach. I have never flown internationally before and it was scary. I was so thankful that I was not doing it alone and I knew that as soon as I saw my husbands face (I spent my last night in Canada with my mom and sister in a hotel room, girls night woo) that afternoon, everything would be better. Once we got to the airport, we met up with my husband and the rest of the luggage and began our way to getting everything settled. That is when we found out that there was no note on my airline folder. AirCanada could not change my last name because the flights were booked on a different airline. We called the other airline and they couldn't change it because the travel agencies has to be the one to change it. And we called the travel agency to remember that (since they are in Muscat) it was midnight there and of course we are not going to get a hold of anyone. Oh my gosh.

With a few tears and a bunch of hugs, I said goodbye to my husband that monday. He had to go. He had to start work the day after our appointed arrival time. I was the flexible one and I was the one that was not going. I was not going to experience our first international flight together with my husband. I was not going to have a fun, flight together with my husband. I was not going to experience arriving in another country, experiencing the heat and seeing new things with my husband. This was NOT the plan. I was not supposed to be saying goodbye to my husband that day. I was not supposed to be in this self-dependant mind frame of being strong for him so that he would actually leave me, to be strong for my family so that they would not see me crack, to be strong for myself so that I would not go mentally crazy with the amount of emotion that I was feeling in that moment. Whew. This was definitely not unexpected, wonderful fun. NO. And I am still waiting for the serendipity moment. HA.

Oh geez.

That was a tough, long day. Felt like a week in a day. Even though I was a complete mess and out of my mind, I knew that I was not alone. Not only did I have my dad: who was willing and ready to jump on the next flight available so that I would not have to travel alone, my mom: who had perfect encouraging smiles, hugs that made me feel comfort and who also stayed with me monday night so that I would not sleep alone, my sister: who if she was allowed too would have punched everyone and anyone who was at fault for this, my baby: who continued to kick me through-out the entire day to give me comfort through me emotions, my husbands father: who not only offered to buy me a new ticket (even though that backfired as well) offered me the use of his home for as long as I need, who has been in contact with the travel agency and who has been working to figure all of this out on my behalf. And I had God, who ever truly reminded me of Bible verses over and over again so that I could get to the point of calm that I needed to be for my husband. Plans to prosper and never to harm. Thoughts of how I can only see the corner piece and not the whole picture. Thoughts of I can do this. I can fly by myself, how hard can it be? And the realization that if I continued to panic my husband probably would not have left me and then we would both be in this predicament. He would have missed his first day of work.

Everything happens for a reason. No matter how uncomfortable I feel, there is a reason. There is a plan. It seems ridiculous but it could have been a lot worse. It was an emotional ride, but life did not stop there. We had to keep moving. Moving through the motions. Continuing on with what had to be done. I am so thankful that I believe that everything has a reason, a purpose and even though it SEEMS very, very grey, reality can be very, very beautiful. I can choose to be mad, to see grey, or I can allow it to be beautiful. An experience I would not have had otherwise. To meet a person who might need an extra smile. I am choosing to be open with this experience. I do not want to be grumpy or closed minded.

There will always be a serendipity moment as long as I choose to look for it.

Right now the ball is slowly moving forward. Painfully slow. I will feel better once I actually have a date for when I do fly out again, but until then I am taken care of, I am healthy, and I am not alone. It will get sorted out. I hope sooner rather than later, but I will take what is given to me with a smile. It will be a chance for me to be more confident, to know that I can fly internationally, get a visa, deal with random occurrences that I have no control over, and get out unscathed. And when this is all said and done, it will be another amazing chapter to my life story. Until then I will be waiting patiently for my next fly date, missing my husband terribly but thankful for perrier water, TLC, good food and a king size bed. Choosing to find joy and a bright side so that I can come away from all this with an appreciation for the unexpected.

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